The way the ferris wheel is never one hundred percent lit up. There’s always a light out somewhere. Number Eleven is a different color than the rest and i’m not entirely sure why, but it’s a Japanese custom I think.
The design in the middle says Carnival because that’s the name of the building, but it used to be a Coke sign.
I’m the only one who knows that now.
No one will ever call the big pink store in American Village JUSCO, but that’s what it’s called. /EON i refuse. It’s Jusco. Those lost people from back then know. The ones who probably forgot and forgot about me. But I remember. That’s enough.
Because people move on usually, but I don’t know what we’re supposed to be looking forward to, so I just remember.
Nights sitting at our corner on the Sea Wall. Pointing Russian Candles at each other. That one time he pointed one at me and I had to push Lisa down so she didn’t get hit. And we laughed.
The sound of the water, sitting on the beach, not talking. The best people- to me – are the ones that can sit for hours saying nothing. The dark beach, cool wind, waves crashing. I love it. I wish it was dark now and I didn’t need a buddy to walk down to the beach and enjoy the waves.
Not that I’d mind if you were there.
It’s not that I don’t want to be with people. I just think it’d be easier to do things if I could do it alone. Mostly because I’m sure no one would actually want join me. But that’s my own anxiety talking to me. If I ever had a perpetual partner in life, it would be her. Fuck.
Home is where I was going with this. Okinawa. Japan.
Not America, which is strange but also makes sense. Yes, I’m from there, but I spent my living time here. Late nights on the sea wall, watching the fire works, or setting off the fire works. Jumping off the wall into the ocean. Running all over American Village, which used to be lit up, sure, but there were not as many lights back then. Not as many people.
The side roads and secret passages to the pancake place.
The ETWS infinity store. The one on the way to Araha used to be amazing. The one up North isn’t as fun. I miss ETWS. I always used to spell it out when I said it, but other people used to say Et-wiss. I didn’t mind much either way, it’s just weird.
The lady at that store that sold that dress to us once, but she was only opened during the school day every other Wednesday or something. We never really found out, because she was always closed when we went there.
The cat Lisa and I used to pet when we gave up trying to run in the morning. Because the sun had already come up and it’s too hot and I’m never really going to have that beach body, so we might as well just sit on the beach and talk about life and pet a cat.
The lady at Lawson that knew Michael’s order, or the man who had Zoey’s milkshake and donut ready because she always got a large mint chocolate chip milkshake and a plain donut. I’m too indecisive to be regular, but I enjoyed watching.
Getting stuck on the Green Line during country hour was never something I missed, but it was worth the weekends with Kristin, who is still my best friend. Probably the only person I talk to from high school. Which means she’s the only person I regularly talk to that I don’t see weekly.
Facebook isn’t always connection. Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean we talk.
Some friends of mine inspired me to write again. Well, they didn’t know about the writing. Just the comics. Which I am also getting back into. But I remembered writing is kind of therapeutic as well, and I’ve been more anxious as of late. I cried uncontrollably over a bottle of Gatorade last week. There was more to it than that, but it was pathetic and I hate myself again.
They keep telling me to stop saying that. So it’s starting again.
So I’ll probably come back here and self-loath to the internet so my friends don’t find out and scold me. Don’t know what that actually says about our friendship. It’d be nice to be honest with someone, but I don’t like being lectured. I’d like to heal my own way at my own pace. But that’s not the way society works, so I’ll stay quiet and joke about my uselessness and worthlessness to cover up my anxieties and fears and laugh when they tell me to stop. I’m just joking.
Okinawa is my home. Although no one is here from back then. There’s new people.
Maybe they can be home too.